


Or is it Just Nostalgia

by dancingsweetheart129



Category: DCU (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Young Justice (Comics)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, M/M, Not Happy, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-23 01:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17673794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancingsweetheart129/pseuds/dancingsweetheart129
Summary: Stepping away wasn't an easy decision, but time after time, death after death, it was either cut his ties or end himself. It was what was best for him.There was, however, one tie he could never fully severe. Conner found him in Quebec after a month of being gone, and Tim melted into him like he knew he would.They had been something, in secret, never out. And Tim didn't mind that, it was enough to be loved and give love.





	Or is it Just Nostalgia

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write something a little different, more thoughts, less dialogue. I know I'm generally more into dialogue but I've been very into thoughts and whatnot lately. I also wanted to leave this open ended and abrupt.

Tim had been out of the game for a long time now. 10 years, he estimated, but time really felt irrelevant when you didn't settle anywhere for long.

He'd had enough money in his trust, and money of his own, to be comfortable for the rest of his life, and the banker's eyes had almost popped out of his head when he withdrew all of it and closed his accounts.

Of course someone had to know where he was so everyone else would stop looking, and that someone was Alfred. He promised to not tell a soul as long as Tim kept in touch.

They had tried to track him down when he went off the grid, with a few successes. He'd turned away Superman, told him not to bother telling Batman where he was because he'd be gone in an hour.

Stepping away wasn't an easy decision, but time after time, death after death, it was either cut his ties or end himself. It was what was best for him.

There was, however, one tie he could never fully severe. Conner found him in Quebec after a month of being gone, and Tim melted into him like he knew he would.

They had been something, in secret, never out. And Tim didn't mind that, it was enough to be loved and give love.

"Everyone is looking for you," Conner said, landing on the balcony of the condo Tim was renting short-term. Just until he got the itch to up and move again.

"You can tell them I'm fine," Tim said, trying to cover himself. He had just gotten out of the shower, only dressed in a towel.

"Tim, come home. They all miss you," Kon had said, stepping forward to rub his hands over Tim's shoulders. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," Tim nodded, his heart sinking. "But it's too much. I can't go through loss after loss and just bounce back. My mind doesn't work like that."

Tim didn't know what everyone had been saying about him leaving, he felt too hollow to care, but he could see it in Kon's face that they thought he was just being dramatic.

"I'm not coming home," Tim added, and he felt Kon's grip tighten. "You should go."

"No, not without you," Kon shook his head. "Tim, I love you. You know that right?"

Tim felt his throat constricting. They hadn't said the 'L' word, at least not in that way. He was shaking when he reached up and cupped the back of Kon's neck, pulling him in for a kiss. He had to pull back when sobs bubbled up in his throat.

"I love you too," He sobbed, and Kon was sweeping off his feet, carrying him over to the bed and laying him down. It was one of Tim’s most treasured memories, being wrapped up in bed with Kon that time. It felt like he was normal, like he’d never been hurt and he never left his life behind and he was okay.

Which made it hurt the next morning when he grabbed his backpack and left before Kon could wake up.

The next time Kon found him was in Kenya, about a week later.

“Really? That’s it?” He asked, landing behind Tim as he surveyed the savannah. There was a giraffe far out, the silhouette of it outlined from the sunset, and the tall grass blowing in the warm breeze. Tim had been taking a picture. One of his only material possessions he didn’t leave behind was his digital camera.

“What’s it?” Tim asked, looking at the photo he had taken.

“You just left me in Quebec,” Kon said, and Tim glanced over his shoulder. Kon had his arms crossed, and he looked angry.

“I told you, Conner, I’m not coming home,” Tim sighed, holding his camera up again to take another picture.

“Okay, fine, don’t come home,” Kon spat out. “But do you know how much it hurt to wake up alone?”

“Of course I do, Kon,” Tim said, turning around fully. “I do love you, so much, but I need to be alone.”

“Why?” Kon asked. “Why do you have to run? So you want to drop out of the superhero biz, so what? You can do that and come home.”

“Conner you don’t get it!” Tim shouted, scaring a bird that was nearby. “I have lost every single person that I’ve cared about, some of them more than once, and you included. If I lose one more person unexpectedly, I’m going to quite literally jump off of a building. I can’t fucking do it anymore, okay? I need to do this for myself, so that I can be happy for once in my fucking life.”

Kon averted his gaze, looking away from Tim’s angry face.

“’m sorry,” He mumbled, and Tim’s anger faded. “I didn’t realize.”

“I’m feeling better,” Tim said, looking back out at the sunset. “I don’t feel so exhausted, and I’m doing things that I want to do.”

“And you don’t miss anyone?” Kon asked, and Tim smiled sadly up at him.

“Of course I do,” Tim reached out to take one of his hands. “I miss everyone, but I’ve missed them for a long time. And I miss myself.”

“I miss you too,” Kon mumbled, and Tim found himself sinking into that comfort again, being held while watching the sunset and the wild animals and feeling the breeze. It almost made him want to go home.

Kon joined him in Kenya for a few more days, but eventually he got a distress signal and had to fly off, promising Tim he’d find him again.

It was a bit longer, about a month, when Kon came looking for him in Greenland. Tim was bundled up and taking a picture of the water at night, the beautiful moon reflecting in the dark water, when Kon landed in front of his camera. Before Tim could protest, he was being kissed so hard he thought he would bruise.

And so it continued.

Kon would find him wherever he was in the world and they would spend a few nights together. Conner never brought up the people Tim had left, and Tim never asked. They spend days walking on white sand beaches, exploring underground caves, or feeding each other local cuisine. Every night they tumbled onto the hotel bed or sleeping bag in a tent or couch in a rental property.

But it always came to an end the same way, with Conner begging Tim to come home, to live with him, to be with him.

The longer it went on, the more time went between their encounters, until finally they stopped all together.

That was years ago.

Tim had been enjoying himself, traveling the world, taking photos and selling them to magazines. He had thought about starting a blog, but he didn’t want to be tracked. Even the name he gave for the magazine was fake and new.

He was in Paris when he thought he heard something out on his balcony. He investigated, still wary of being found by old enemies, but there was no one there, just an envelope placed on the table.

Tim picked it up with shaking hands. There were only a few people who would be able to not only find him, but put something on his balcony. It was a simple white, with just ‘Tim’ written in Conner’s scrawl. He tore it open and pulled out a floral card, an invitation.

To the wedding of Mr. Conner Kent and Ms. Cassandra Sandsmark.

Tim felt his heart drop. It was over with Kon and he knew that. Him being a nomad and Kon not being one. But he hadn’t known Kon and Cassie were back together, let alone getting married in a few days.

It took everything in him not to find a phone and call, but he had things to photograph to keep his mind off of it. He photographed the Eiffel Tower, the Arch de Triumph, even just the city, but it was the city of love and he couldn’t help but miss Conner’s touch and his presence.

He caught a flight the next day to San Francisco.

Tim had tried to avoid the US as much as he could the past 10 years, but sometimes he couldn’t. He usually tried to blend in as much as possible with everyone on the street. This time was no exception, his sunglasses poised on his face as he made his way to the church.

He hadn’t really expected a church, but he figured maybe it was classic.

The ceremony hadn’t started yet, at least Tim didn’t see a ton of guests and no one was at the front of the church from the door. He slipped down the hall to the stairs, following his instincts. Cassie wouldn’t want to climb stairs in a dress.

His instincts were correct, he realized, when he pushed open the first door and saw Conner standing in front of a mirror, struggling with his bowtie.

“You always looked so handsome in a suit,” Tim said, shutting the door behind him.

“Didn’t think you’d show up,” Kon said, glancing at his reflection in the mirror.

“You didn’t think I’d be here for the most important day of your life?” Tim asked, raising a brow.

“Well you haven’t been here for me any other time,” Kon shrugged, tearing the tie off of his neck and throwing it on the table in front of him.

“Let me,” Tim said, striding forward to pick up the tie and try it again. “I didn’t know you and Cassie were back together.”

“Well I wanted something stable,” Kon sighed, lifting his chin so Tim could tie his bowtie. “Something constant.”

“You love her?”

“I’ve always loved Cassie,” Kon sighed, turning back to the mirror to check that his bowtie was straight.

“And you’re happy?” Tim asked, brushing the back of Conner’s suit jacket.

“Of course I’m happy,” Kon said, catching Tim’s eye in the mirror as he looked over his shoulder.

“Then why’d you invite me?” Tim asked, resting his head on Kon’s shoulder as he watched his face in the mirror.

Kon didn’t say anything, bit his lip. Tim knew, deep down.

“I’m going to go, okay?”

“You flew all the way out here and you’re not even going to stay for the wedding?” Kon asked, finally turning around to scowl at the other man.

“Conner,” Tim shook his head, thinking over what to say in his head. “I’ll be in San Diego by tonight. And in the morning I have a flight out.”

He quickly left Kon alone, heading back up the stairs and out the church before he could stop himself.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about it, about what would have happened if he had stayed, or if Kon had joined him. Not that he ever offered to leave his life behind too.

If he had stayed, he couldn’t guarantee he’d be alive. His life was too painful, too bleak. But if Conner had joined him, maybe they would have gotten married. Or maybe not. Maybe they would have just traveled the world together.

He’d never know, and he was at peace with that.

It was dark by the time he got to San Diego. He checked into the first motel he saw, took his backpack out of the rental car and headed into the room.

When he turned on the light, Conner was sitting on the bed, still in his suit.

 


End file.
